When I work with toddlers and older children, part of their sleep issues is around bedtime. Being too scared to be alone when they go to sleep then adds to sleep problems during the night.
We work on removing the fear first; so the first step is to find out what the fear is. Spend some time talking to your child about their fear; don’t just dismiss it out of hand; it is a real fear for your child. Once you establish what the fear is, then work on eliminating it.
For example, many children I work with fear the dark; their parent(s) then put a light into their room, which is then inwardly interpreted by their child as ‘The dark is scary as I now have a light’. A better thing to try is to lie with your child with a lamp on, ask them what they can see, then switch the light off while you are still lying next to them and talk to them about what they can see. Then switch the lamp back on and ask them what has changed; do this repeatedly, and practice each night. The idea is that they realise that just because their room isn’t lit doesn’t change anything. Babies are only born with two fears: a fear of falling and a fear of loud noises; being scared of the dark is something learnt.
If your child is scared of monsters in their room, explain that that must be scary, but that monsters don’t exist; they are just make-believe. Whatever you do, don’t go looking for monsters; all that does is teach your child that there could be monsters. Make sure your little one isn’t watching scary films. Even Disney films can be scary for young children.
The moving chair approach is great for helping teach your little one to go to sleep independently. Sit by your child’s bed while they go to sleep, and then gradually move the chair further away from their bed each night until you are sitting outside the room.
Bedtime can be an absolute nightmare when you have an overtired child; make sure you stick to an age-appropriate bedtime every night.
Always do a calm bedtime routine such as reading stories or quiet (non-action songs). Children thrive on routine so stick to the same routine every night.
